Ellie's ROOM!!!!

The only thing missing is ELLIE!!!! and the GORGEOUS quilt for her bed that my dear friend Caylene is almost finished with ;)

We decided to set up her room with a twin bed - and put a crib for her in our room to use until she's older. Auntie Julie & Macy made her the super cute John Deere blanket. And yes, that's Buster sitting on her bed!

I made the valances - aren't they cute!!! My mom made her the adorable flannel quilt hanging over the chair.

I painted one of the boys' dressers & added the glass drawer pulls - I love them!!!

I LOVE how her name turned out!!!
Oh sweet girl!!! I so can't WAIT to get you home!!! All this nesting has just helped to keep me from going CRAZY waiting for you! I so hope you love it.....and if one day you decide pink isn't your favorite color - that's ok - we can paint your room purple ;)

Love - Mommy

Rid me of myself.....

My new fav song is "Lead me to the Cross"by Hillsong. Part of it goes -

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

My last post was how I dealt with fear through all of my pregnancy with Caleb.....it hit me today that what I've been dealing with during Ellie's "pregnancy" (and for anyone who's never adopted - YES adopting is JUST like being pregnant - except you don't have the option for an epidural!!!!) Anyway - I've been dealing with "what everyone else thinks" BIG TIME! It started with - you already have 4 kids - how could you POSSIBLY have the time & energy for one more...and ended with - HIV!?#!@@!@ are you CRAZY!?!?!?!?

I will honestly say that when God asked us to adopt HIV+ the biggest issue was what other people would think...the stigma of HIV. If you do ANY research at ALL you quickly find out that it's very hard to "get it", that as her family you're quite safe. You find out that the medical side of the house is manageable - medicine in the morning & at night - dr visit every 3 months. So all you're left to wrestle with is what other people think. Isn't that sad?

I SO do NOT want to live my life concerned with what other people think!!!! Lord - rid me of myself, I belong to YOU!!!! I was praying over this very thing today & God gave me the mental image of Jesus being led to the cross - despised, beaten, broken, abandoned. Even his closest friends had left him. He has walked that road. I will not be alone! When we're doing God's will we are NEVER alone!! Lord - Lead me to the cross!!!! Where your love poured out! Bring me to my knees - Lord I lay ME down. Rid me of myself - I belong to YOU!!!!

As with my battle with fear - I intend to let God once and for ALL rid me of myself!!! rid me of my desire to please others! rid me of my pride! my selfishness! my caring what other people think!

I belong to YOU!!!! Yours is the ONLY approval I long for!

Here I am LORD - send me.......

Perfect Love Casts Out FEAR!

We've been getting lots of questions that sound something like -

Aren't you scared?

There's a myriad of things they're wanting to know if we're scared of - mostly to do with Ellie being HIV+.

I've often joked that God will let you keep taking the class until you pass it!!! I wrestled HUGE with fear with all of my pregnancies - but it was definitely the worst with #4 - Caleb. Satan knew EXACTLY the words to whisper in my heart - and they struck absolute FEAR in me. They went something along the lines of - you've had 3 perfect, text book pregnancies & deliveries - there's no way you could make it a 4th....you're older....why would you deserve 4 healthy kids....etc, etc, etc. Many nights I laid awake sobbing.

I know it's no accident that the only way I was able to combat him was with scripture. Scripture is the only offensive weapon we have!!! I repeated MANY times a day - Perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18. It finally sunk into my head that God loves me PERFECTLY. He will NEVER give me more than I can handle. He will never pile on a bunch of c*** and leave me hanging! He loves me PERFECTLY. He knows exactly what I need and even when I need it!!! He loves me PERFECTLY!!! By the end of my pregnancy with Caleb it had TRULY sunk in. Even when things started to get a bit chaotic in the delivery room b/c his heart rate had crashed I wasn't worried a bit....crazy - I know! But perfect love casts out ALL fear!!!!

I guess the true indicator that you really passed a test is how you do the next time you're faced with the same issue. I guess I really did pass it!!! I have absolutely no fear! None! Call me naive, call me ignorant, call me an ostrich - I don't care! My God loves me perfectly, He loves my family perfectly, He loves Ellie perfectly!

And in HIS perfect love there is absolute PEACE!

And as Pastor Bill would say - Amen and Amen!!!!

We have a COURT DATE!!!!

What a week it's been!!!!

It started last Thursday with a court date of DECEMBER 3rd!!!! That's only 2 weeks away!!!!

THEN it got even better - we can an update on our not-so-little one!!! Here's what Brandi said:

Dear Jill, We saw T* yesterday afternoon. Let me begin by saying she is the heaviest and chunkiest Ethiopian baby I have ever seen! I don't know how old they have told you that she is, but she is not walking and has 4 teeth on top and 2 teeth on bottom. I know this because she cried most of the time I had her. It was a combination of two things, I think. It was nearing her nap time (2-4) and she didn't feel good. Most all (probably ALL) have some sickness to contend with. She had a runny nose and a gunky sounding cough. Did I say she was a chunK! :) Be prepared for some serious lifting! I made a foot tracing for you. It might help to buy shoes for her. In case you're not sure, her name is pronounced tay hoon. I know you're having a shower on the 14th and I promise to have you some pics before then! Grace and Peace, Brandi

AND we got PICTURES!!! She is sooooo STINKIN' CUTE!!! I can't believe she's going to be MINE!!! YEAH!!!


THEN - as if my heart could take ANY more - we had the world's BEST baby shower for Ellie!!! It was fabulous!!! I know pics always speak louder than words so here's a few :)

Mom, Sandy & I "slaving" on Friday morning!

Sandy made the most BEAUTIFUL cake!!! The sides were giraffe print!!!
Mom & Jessie working on the chicken salad croissants - yum!

Everything was decorated in giraffe print & pink - just like Ellie's room!
I caught Macy trying to sample the frosting ;)
Julie was over-joyed that Ellie received a piggy bank that says on the side - saving for my first pony!!!

Auntie Jessie thought she needed a girl giraffe to go with her boy giraffe. She has quite the giraffe herd now - 6!!!
Sandy, Julie, Janice - words can't even tell you thanks enough!!! You are all FANTASTIC!!!
But I can TRY to say thanks a little bit with a super cool ETHIOPIA shirt!

No news yet.....

Sigh.....the beginning of ANOTHER week with no news of a court date.....I can't believe it's been over a MONTH since we've seen her sweet face!!! I can't believe the Kavanaugh family will get to meet our little angel in 2 days!!! They're the family that brought over Ellie's first care package. I know I'm way emotional here (I'm practically 9 months "pregnant"!!!) - but it makes me tear up when I think that she'll be touching the same things I touched!!!

Ellie's shower is next Saturday, Nov 14th - I'm DYING to have new pictures of her for the shower! The Kavanaugh's get back on the 13th.....join me in praying they'll have time to send me Ellie's pictures!!!!

We worked like CRAZY on her room! I can't wait to post pictures. Caylene is just finishing up the quilt she made for her bed! It's so CUTE!!! We even set up a crib for her in our room - and I made a giraffe print sheet for it - of course :) I can't seem to get enough of just sitting in her room - or standing next to her crib - dreaming, praying....What is our life going to be like when she gets here? How drastically are things going to change? Will I get to spend all day doing her hair & changing her outfits!!!???? How long until she knows I'm her mom - that I will never leave her - that her belly will always be full - that her smiles will always be returned??? call me schmoopy - I don't care!!! I can't believe I get to be her mom!!! That God would pick ME - out of the millions of other women out there - ME! I am so honored!

oh baby! I can't even WAIT to meet you!!! I'm so incredibly excited!!! I asked Ms. Brandi to give you an extra special hug & kiss from me.....and to whisper in your ear how much your family already loves you!

**I'm getting just a tiny glimpse of how much God must long for us to know how much HE loves us! Before we even knew Him - He whispered in our ear that we were loved - that we were important - that we were not alone......just the tiniest of glimpses.....

Gabester is 7!!!

I can't even believe my little Gabe is 7! I tried to bribe him with pokemon cards, wii games, candy...ANYTHING if he'd just stay 6! But he wouldn't have ANY of it! So - he's now 7....7...7....I remember turning 7!!!!! So exciting!


So in tribute to my now 7 year old - 7 things I LOVE about Gabe.

1. He is GREAT at playing games! Any & all games - but especially card games. He'll even play my hand for me.....but I seem to lose a lot that way.

2. He is super helpful! He loves doing his chores & helping around the house. While he's not too fond of taking out the "chicken bucket" (scraps for the chickens) he does love bringing in their eggs.

3. He still loves to snuggle. The only problem with the snuggle at bedtime is that mom too often falls asleep too :)

4. He can pray!!!! This boy is going to grow up to be one amazing prayer warrior. Talk about childlike faith....He knows God loves him & trusts Him to do what's best! Very inspiring.

5. He is great at EVERYTHING he tries!!! Soccer, swimming, tae kwon do, reading, math! This boy is a natural at everything! He is confident - but not cocky - the perfect combo :)

6. He knows every single pokemon & can give you detailed (I'm sure insider) information about each character - what they "revolve" in to, how they revolve, etc, etc, etc. It makes weeding the garden go so fast when you're listening to all the pokemon in's & out's. I will even rent him out if you need to get some weeding done. He's very entertaining!

7. He is so much fun to be around! He loves to laugh & have fun. He loves to play games & watch movies. BOOKS - he could be read too FOREVER!!! He is always happy & ready to have a fun day. I REALLY love spending time with him!!!

Happy Birthday my little ANGEL!!!! I'm so glad God brought you into my life!!!

Love - Mom