I'm soooooo in LUUUUUVVVVEEEEE!

We received new pics of you today from Mrs. Jarvie - Thank you SO MUCH STACI!!!

Oh Ellie - you're truly the cutest thing we've EVER seen!!!



I could honestly sit & stare at you ALL DAY! But I'm not the only one! Your daddy & brothers talk about you all the time too. They all had to have pictures of you to keep at their desks at school. Caleb has decided where you're going to sit in the Suburban...next to HIM of course. And he is constantly bringing you up quite randomly in conversation :) Jack has figured out that he only has 9 more days of school until he gets to come & get you....and your poor mom....she has a count down going until she gets to hold you for the first time!

Bottom line - we've all been Ellie-paited!!! Similar to twitter-paited - but we've all been smitten by YOU my little one.

You have one more goody bag coming with the Gore family. They're coming to pick up your friend Solome! Then less than 2 weeks later we'll be THERE!!! We're praying so hard that you'll come to love us as quickly as we've come to love you. We know that God planned for you to be a part of our family before you were even a "twinkle in your mother's eye". Even your dad says that he feels so complete now that you're a part of our family! I feel the same way too! I've packed you all kinds of fun toys & books to play with on the way home. And just a "few" cute little outfits. I did find the most ADORABLE shoes for you. They're soft like slippers - hopefully they'll fit you my little Cinderella!!!

I know wishing the next 3 weeks away won't make it go any faster - and I know that God has things we both need to do in the next 3 weeks. So try to soak up as much Ethiopia as you can. I promise I'll try to soak up as much as I can when I'm there so I can help you remember it!!! I know it's going to be hard for you to leave - but we'll all be here to help you.

Be safe my sweet girl! Stay healthy! Give your nanny an extra big hug from me & tell her thank you from your mommy. I know she's going to miss you a LOT!

Love,
Mommy

thoughts.....

So I could spend all day dreaming about Ellie! Surprise! ha!

I think about things like...
*how cute her hair is going to look in pig tails
*how long until I get to hear her laugh
*how long until she realizes I'm her mom
*how much she'll be laughing watching the antics of her brothers
*what she'll look like when she's grown
*if she'll ever understand why all this had to happen
*what her favorite toy will be
*what if she doesn't like PINK???

Then my to-do list starts banging at my door - I beat it back by crossing a few more things off it - and go back to day dreaming :)

One of the comments that's really struck me - and we've had more than a few along this line - is:
Your little girl is going to be so blessed! Her life will be forever changed!

It really got me thinking about how Christ adopts us too. Sometimes, often times, we don't even know what we were saved from. We can be adopted as children and never know what paths our lives would've taken! What God has saved us from. I've been struck by how much I love Ellie already. Both Matt & I have been almost overwhelmed with our love for her! She doesn't even know who we are! Yet, we'd walk over hot coals for her....we'd spend 7 months completing paperwork and getting shots, having our home inspected, our relationships examined....and she doesn't even know who we are.

God pursues us with an even greater love - a perfect love. We don't even have to know who He is. We don't have to understand how He works. He LONGS to hold us close, to tell us it's going to be ok, to comfort us, to encourage us, to tell us we can be ANYTHING! It doesn't matter the circumstances we grew up in. It doesn't matter the circumstances we find ourselves in now. He just wants a relationship with us. He wants us to call him father. To let him hold us close.

Thank you Lord for pursuing me with an everlasting love. For never giving up on me. For leading me besides still waters. For restoring my soul. Help me to be the mom that Ellie needs. Give me the words to answer those tough questions when the time comes. Thank you for the opportunity to be your hands & feet to this world.

Ellianna update!!!

Here's what another adoptive mom said about Ellie!!! THANKS so much for the update KRISTEN!

Hi Jill!
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED your daughter during my visit. I truly could NOT take my eyes off of her the entire time! I can't begin to tell you how much I fell in love with Ellie - there is something about that child that is amazing and I was totally drawn to her. She has the cutest little face ever! It is hard to say what kind of toys she liked because they had so few! She seemed to hold the rattles a lot, but she was definitely an observer. There were a couple of toddler boys who were wild (not in a bad way - just really, really active!) and she would sit and watch them with a very amused look on her face. One time I saw one of the boys walk by another kid and bop him on the head and Ellie busted out laughing. It caused all of us to laugh. She loves to be tickled and tipped upside down - she would giggle! I did not see her crawl, but I think that is more likely to the fact that the kids don't leave the room much, so most things are essentially within arms reach. I think all the kids will catch up fast. My only recommendation is get an exasaucer and/or a Johnny Jump Up. I bet Ellie's leg strength is weak so a month or so of standing in that and building up some muscle will have her walking in no time! She looked perfectly healthy, though. In fact, most had horrible colds (my girl included!) but she didn't seem to. I mean, they ALL have runny noses, but she didn't sound congested like the others. Oh, but that sweet face!!!!!! She seemed like a perfectly happy child - very calm. I never saw her cry the whole week we there.
My friend Jennifer and I held her a ton. She is so cute. Oh, I am SO HAPPY that this little beauty is going home. I had no idea she was HIV positive. God bless you for being called to her. She is precious! Congratulations!

She is SO totally going to fit in PERFECT with her new family!!! Laughing while kids bop each other on the head - yikes - she's going to giggle her day away :) YEAH!

I am still crying....

Tears of JOY!!!!! God has lined up even the filing cabinet keys & the right number on the paper!!!!!

ELLIANNA is OURS!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now we wait on travel dates!

Our case is in court NOW!!!

So we rallied the prayer warriors tonight!!! Nothing like modern day technology to help that along :) Christie, Rockelle, Janice, Kim, Gina, Mom & Dad joined Matt and I for an "old fashioned" prayer service - via conference call!!!

Our case is in court RIGHT NOW!!! 4 of the last 5 cases to appear were delayed because of silly reasons - like someone didn't come to work that had the key to open the locked filing cabinet with all the paperwork - kind of silly!!! So we figured - it's time to call in the reinforcements!!!

We prayed for:
*a successful court date - duh!!!
*that the judge would be astounded at the completeness of all the paperwork & sign off with out a blink!!!
*all the other cases before the court today
*Ellie's transition
*our transition
*traveling mercies
*Ellie's health
*our community accepting her
*that Ellie come to know Christ & raise her children to know him
*homes for the other orphans
*that we would be the parents she needs
*that God's will be done!!!

We've prepared for rain.....but God's the only one that can make it rain. And if it rains we'll praise him....and if it doesn't rain we'll praise him!!! Blessed be the name of the LORD!!!

AMEN

So do you think I'll be able to concentrate in bible study tomorrow?!??!?!?! I'm praying we'll have the answer before then!!!! YEAH!!!

Ellie's ROOM!!!!

The only thing missing is ELLIE!!!! and the GORGEOUS quilt for her bed that my dear friend Caylene is almost finished with ;)

We decided to set up her room with a twin bed - and put a crib for her in our room to use until she's older. Auntie Julie & Macy made her the super cute John Deere blanket. And yes, that's Buster sitting on her bed!

I made the valances - aren't they cute!!! My mom made her the adorable flannel quilt hanging over the chair.

I painted one of the boys' dressers & added the glass drawer pulls - I love them!!!

I LOVE how her name turned out!!!
Oh sweet girl!!! I so can't WAIT to get you home!!! All this nesting has just helped to keep me from going CRAZY waiting for you! I so hope you love it.....and if one day you decide pink isn't your favorite color - that's ok - we can paint your room purple ;)

Love - Mommy

Rid me of myself.....

My new fav song is "Lead me to the Cross"by Hillsong. Part of it goes -

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

My last post was how I dealt with fear through all of my pregnancy with Caleb.....it hit me today that what I've been dealing with during Ellie's "pregnancy" (and for anyone who's never adopted - YES adopting is JUST like being pregnant - except you don't have the option for an epidural!!!!) Anyway - I've been dealing with "what everyone else thinks" BIG TIME! It started with - you already have 4 kids - how could you POSSIBLY have the time & energy for one more...and ended with - HIV!?#!@@!@ are you CRAZY!?!?!?!?

I will honestly say that when God asked us to adopt HIV+ the biggest issue was what other people would think...the stigma of HIV. If you do ANY research at ALL you quickly find out that it's very hard to "get it", that as her family you're quite safe. You find out that the medical side of the house is manageable - medicine in the morning & at night - dr visit every 3 months. So all you're left to wrestle with is what other people think. Isn't that sad?

I SO do NOT want to live my life concerned with what other people think!!!! Lord - rid me of myself, I belong to YOU!!!! I was praying over this very thing today & God gave me the mental image of Jesus being led to the cross - despised, beaten, broken, abandoned. Even his closest friends had left him. He has walked that road. I will not be alone! When we're doing God's will we are NEVER alone!! Lord - Lead me to the cross!!!! Where your love poured out! Bring me to my knees - Lord I lay ME down. Rid me of myself - I belong to YOU!!!!

As with my battle with fear - I intend to let God once and for ALL rid me of myself!!! rid me of my desire to please others! rid me of my pride! my selfishness! my caring what other people think!

I belong to YOU!!!! Yours is the ONLY approval I long for!

Here I am LORD - send me.......

Perfect Love Casts Out FEAR!

We've been getting lots of questions that sound something like -

Aren't you scared?

There's a myriad of things they're wanting to know if we're scared of - mostly to do with Ellie being HIV+.

I've often joked that God will let you keep taking the class until you pass it!!! I wrestled HUGE with fear with all of my pregnancies - but it was definitely the worst with #4 - Caleb. Satan knew EXACTLY the words to whisper in my heart - and they struck absolute FEAR in me. They went something along the lines of - you've had 3 perfect, text book pregnancies & deliveries - there's no way you could make it a 4th....you're older....why would you deserve 4 healthy kids....etc, etc, etc. Many nights I laid awake sobbing.

I know it's no accident that the only way I was able to combat him was with scripture. Scripture is the only offensive weapon we have!!! I repeated MANY times a day - Perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18. It finally sunk into my head that God loves me PERFECTLY. He will NEVER give me more than I can handle. He will never pile on a bunch of c*** and leave me hanging! He loves me PERFECTLY. He knows exactly what I need and even when I need it!!! He loves me PERFECTLY!!! By the end of my pregnancy with Caleb it had TRULY sunk in. Even when things started to get a bit chaotic in the delivery room b/c his heart rate had crashed I wasn't worried a bit....crazy - I know! But perfect love casts out ALL fear!!!!

I guess the true indicator that you really passed a test is how you do the next time you're faced with the same issue. I guess I really did pass it!!! I have absolutely no fear! None! Call me naive, call me ignorant, call me an ostrich - I don't care! My God loves me perfectly, He loves my family perfectly, He loves Ellie perfectly!

And in HIS perfect love there is absolute PEACE!

And as Pastor Bill would say - Amen and Amen!!!!

We have a COURT DATE!!!!

What a week it's been!!!!

It started last Thursday with a court date of DECEMBER 3rd!!!! That's only 2 weeks away!!!!

THEN it got even better - we can an update on our not-so-little one!!! Here's what Brandi said:

Dear Jill, We saw T* yesterday afternoon. Let me begin by saying she is the heaviest and chunkiest Ethiopian baby I have ever seen! I don't know how old they have told you that she is, but she is not walking and has 4 teeth on top and 2 teeth on bottom. I know this because she cried most of the time I had her. It was a combination of two things, I think. It was nearing her nap time (2-4) and she didn't feel good. Most all (probably ALL) have some sickness to contend with. She had a runny nose and a gunky sounding cough. Did I say she was a chunK! :) Be prepared for some serious lifting! I made a foot tracing for you. It might help to buy shoes for her. In case you're not sure, her name is pronounced tay hoon. I know you're having a shower on the 14th and I promise to have you some pics before then! Grace and Peace, Brandi

AND we got PICTURES!!! She is sooooo STINKIN' CUTE!!! I can't believe she's going to be MINE!!! YEAH!!!


THEN - as if my heart could take ANY more - we had the world's BEST baby shower for Ellie!!! It was fabulous!!! I know pics always speak louder than words so here's a few :)

Mom, Sandy & I "slaving" on Friday morning!

Sandy made the most BEAUTIFUL cake!!! The sides were giraffe print!!!
Mom & Jessie working on the chicken salad croissants - yum!

Everything was decorated in giraffe print & pink - just like Ellie's room!
I caught Macy trying to sample the frosting ;)
Julie was over-joyed that Ellie received a piggy bank that says on the side - saving for my first pony!!!

Auntie Jessie thought she needed a girl giraffe to go with her boy giraffe. She has quite the giraffe herd now - 6!!!
Sandy, Julie, Janice - words can't even tell you thanks enough!!! You are all FANTASTIC!!!
But I can TRY to say thanks a little bit with a super cool ETHIOPIA shirt!

No news yet.....

Sigh.....the beginning of ANOTHER week with no news of a court date.....I can't believe it's been over a MONTH since we've seen her sweet face!!! I can't believe the Kavanaugh family will get to meet our little angel in 2 days!!! They're the family that brought over Ellie's first care package. I know I'm way emotional here (I'm practically 9 months "pregnant"!!!) - but it makes me tear up when I think that she'll be touching the same things I touched!!!

Ellie's shower is next Saturday, Nov 14th - I'm DYING to have new pictures of her for the shower! The Kavanaugh's get back on the 13th.....join me in praying they'll have time to send me Ellie's pictures!!!!

We worked like CRAZY on her room! I can't wait to post pictures. Caylene is just finishing up the quilt she made for her bed! It's so CUTE!!! We even set up a crib for her in our room - and I made a giraffe print sheet for it - of course :) I can't seem to get enough of just sitting in her room - or standing next to her crib - dreaming, praying....What is our life going to be like when she gets here? How drastically are things going to change? Will I get to spend all day doing her hair & changing her outfits!!!???? How long until she knows I'm her mom - that I will never leave her - that her belly will always be full - that her smiles will always be returned??? call me schmoopy - I don't care!!! I can't believe I get to be her mom!!! That God would pick ME - out of the millions of other women out there - ME! I am so honored!

oh baby! I can't even WAIT to meet you!!! I'm so incredibly excited!!! I asked Ms. Brandi to give you an extra special hug & kiss from me.....and to whisper in your ear how much your family already loves you!

**I'm getting just a tiny glimpse of how much God must long for us to know how much HE loves us! Before we even knew Him - He whispered in our ear that we were loved - that we were important - that we were not alone......just the tiniest of glimpses.....

Gabester is 7!!!

I can't even believe my little Gabe is 7! I tried to bribe him with pokemon cards, wii games, candy...ANYTHING if he'd just stay 6! But he wouldn't have ANY of it! So - he's now 7....7...7....I remember turning 7!!!!! So exciting!


So in tribute to my now 7 year old - 7 things I LOVE about Gabe.

1. He is GREAT at playing games! Any & all games - but especially card games. He'll even play my hand for me.....but I seem to lose a lot that way.

2. He is super helpful! He loves doing his chores & helping around the house. While he's not too fond of taking out the "chicken bucket" (scraps for the chickens) he does love bringing in their eggs.

3. He still loves to snuggle. The only problem with the snuggle at bedtime is that mom too often falls asleep too :)

4. He can pray!!!! This boy is going to grow up to be one amazing prayer warrior. Talk about childlike faith....He knows God loves him & trusts Him to do what's best! Very inspiring.

5. He is great at EVERYTHING he tries!!! Soccer, swimming, tae kwon do, reading, math! This boy is a natural at everything! He is confident - but not cocky - the perfect combo :)

6. He knows every single pokemon & can give you detailed (I'm sure insider) information about each character - what they "revolve" in to, how they revolve, etc, etc, etc. It makes weeding the garden go so fast when you're listening to all the pokemon in's & out's. I will even rent him out if you need to get some weeding done. He's very entertaining!

7. He is so much fun to be around! He loves to laugh & have fun. He loves to play games & watch movies. BOOKS - he could be read too FOREVER!!! He is always happy & ready to have a fun day. I REALLY love spending time with him!!!

Happy Birthday my little ANGEL!!!! I'm so glad God brought you into my life!!!

Love - Mom

We're #12

Court dates have been flying like CRAZY!!! We're now #12 waiting for a court date....although they haven't been going in order - so it really could be ANY TIME!!! YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

I can't even believe it!!! I'm pinching myself!!!!

We got to send our first care package off! Of course I boo-hooed thinking she'll be touching the same things I've been touching.....I am SOOOOO pregnant!

Here's what we sent: a family photo album, a farm picture book, the first outfit I ever bought for her back in Nov 08 (!), an Elmo phone, and a greeting card where you can record a message :)
I had also bought the toddler banana puffs to go in it - but her big brother Caleb got into them!!!! A house full of food & he has to steal his poor little orphan sisters TODDLER food!!! I guess it's to be expected :)

Happy 12th Birthday Jack!!!

I can't BELIEVE I have a 12 year old!!! We celebrated with a trip to LASER QUEST - oohhh ahhh! It was pure boy heaven. Matt started jumping up & down when he found out he won the second round....so yah - pure boy heaven! Of course, we were so discombobbled that I left the camera in the car - so here's a pic of my wonderful boy on the day AFTER his birthday - sportin' his new birthday sweatshirt from Auntie Julie & Uncle Pete!



In honor of Jack's 12th birthday - here's 12 things I LOVE about Jack (in no special order)!!

1. I love that he can lose himself in a good book AND remember every detail AND share every detail with you so you feel like you've read the book too - this comes in handy for long road trips!

2. I love that he's always looking for new things to try - soccer, tae kwon do, baseball, swimming, wrestling, summer biology, basketball, boy scouts, youth group! He is definitely his mommy's son in that way!

3. I love that he adores donuts as much as I do!

4. I love that he's as excited about his sister from Ethiopia as I am! I can't wait to share this trip with you Jack!

5. I love that he loves a good worship service as much as I do! He sings at the top of his voice & doesn't care what anyone around him thinks.

6. I love that he is so sensitive to God's leading. He really felt like God told him that it would be ok if Ellie was HIV+ b/c she needs a home & people to love her too....oh I cried when he told me that one...and so did he!

7. I love how much fun he is to hang out with! He loves watching movies, eating out, going to book stores....pretty much everything I love - except shopping....we're praying Ellie will enjoy that like I do!

8. I love how friendly he is with everyone. He is so confident & can talk to anyone - pretty much about anything!

9. I love that when I was in my American Girl doll phase - he was excited to go to the store & help me pick them out!

10. I love how curious he is. He loves to read his science, history, and how to blow things up book - just for fun!

11. I love that he's always up for anything. Hey Jack - do you want to ________? And he'll say yes!

12. I love that of all the moms in the world - God chose ME to be his mom!!! I am so honored & grateful!

You're an AMAZING person Jack!!! I can't WAIT to see all that God has in store for you!!!

Love,
Mom

What now?

I can't believe it's been almost 3 WEEKS since we got Ellie's referral!!! It has been a mad dash scramble! I've been sewing up a storm, painting like crazy, shopping (!), decorating, ripping up carpet (!!), more painting, LOTS of jewelry shows.....and the WHOLE time daydreaming about my little angel!!! I'm just about worthless :) It REALLY is like being 9 months pregnant - or at least 7 months!

So now we wait for a court date. It looks like we're #17 in line (based on referral dates) just with people on our yahoo group. The good news is 2 weeks ago we were #23. So while we're moving up - it would be nice if the pace was a bit quicker! Meanwhile, I'm DESPERATELY trying to heed my own advice of wishing time away doesn't make it go any faster -or even slower. My to-do list is 3 miles long - although normally jewelry out numbers life 2 to 1. This is no longer the case. I think God knew I needed to get the referral during my absolute busiest time of year. I honestly don't have 5 minutes to rub together to spend worrying! November is going to go even faster.....I have 16 shows, a GIANT fundraiser, & best of all Ellie's shower is the 14th!

The shower - I can't wait!!! My dearest friends are all going to be there! Janice & Gina are flying in from San Fran & Sandy is coming from North Carolina. My mom & dad are even going to come in from Montana! Ellie is so loved ALREADY!!! Oh baby girl! I can't WAIT for you to meet all these AMAZING people that LOVE you soooooo very much!!!! I can't wait to share this amazing experience with all of them! Thanks so much for coming!

The Fundraiser - YEAH!!! Julie & I have invited 100 people! She's passing TONS of catalogs around at work. My goal is a $2000 show!!! We'll be able to add $1000 to our travel fund AND have $1100 worth of FREE JEWELRY to bring to the nannies at the transition home!!!! WOO HOOO!!!! PLUS, November 5th (the date of the fundraiser) is Premier's 25th anniversary. They're offering those hostesses an EXTRA $25 in free jewelry just for having a show on that day - so we'd end up with $1125 in FREE JEWELRY!!!! YEAH!!!!

16 shows - I know, it's pure crazy. But God promises not to give us more than we can handle....right?!?!?! It's so hard to turn down a hostess when she gives you the ol' "sad eyes" routine of "PLEASE! I need a show during the 50% bonus time!".....I have a terrible time saying NO.....better stressed with money than stressed without, I guess!

Last but not least -
I've really wanted to talk with the boys about Ellie's transition. Right now we're all dreamy romantic about what adding a new member of the family will be like. I wanted to make sure they were ready in case it was a bit rough for her. So we were all out sitting in the hot tub & I told them that it might be hard for Ellie when she first gets here. Everything will be new & different. She might miss her nanny & Ethiopia. She might cry a lot. My dear sweet Gabe pipes in with - what if we don't like her? and I was reminded of how my now 9 year old screamed for the first 6 months of his life....non stop. I told them that there were times when Ben was crying that I wondered the same thing about Ben! but that I was SOOOO glad God had given him to us - he's a perfect fit for our family. Ben smiled & giggled and said - I know, I cried a lot! So Ellie - even if you cry A LOT - we promise to still love you!!!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

I can't even believe this day is FINALLY here!!! We received "the call" (it was an email actually) on Tuesday morning & sent in our acceptance paperwork on Thursday!!!! Now we wait for a court date & then travel to pick her up!!!!!

Now the long story of how that all came about!

So Monday night, October 5th, the stress of all of it REALLY hit me. I honestly think it's because we put a date for the shower on the calendar....now I have to produce a baby!!! I know, I know, my husband doesn't think I make sense either! So that night I started praying like I haven't in a long time - for grace, wisdom, mercy, protection over Ellie, strength for this journey, and even PATIENCE. YUP, I even prayed for that!!! I fell asleep praying. The next morning I had one of those SUPER real dreams - the kind were you honestly think you did what you were dreaming about. Well in my dream I had sent an email to Nicole (our family coordinator). When I realized I had only dreamed it I went ahead & did it b/c it seemed like such a great idea. So at 7:24am I sent it off - here it is:

Nicole,

We were wondering if you could shed any light on our timeline for us? Do you know how long it typically takes to get the paperwork done on a child before they can be referred out? I guess what I'm asking is if we're looking at a few more months wait for an HIV+ referral - or should we be expecting it any time now?

I'm sorry to keep bothering you! I'm just trying to get a little more realistic expectations....rather than sitting all day waiting for the phone to ring. Honestly, I breathe a sigh everyday at 2pm (when you guys close) that today won't be the day......pathetic, I know, but we're so crazy excited!!!

As always, thanks so much for all of your help!!!

God bless you!

Jill Ross

So at 7:35am here's the reply I get.

Jill,

I was going to contact you today regarding a possible referral/question. We currently do have an HIV positive girl who is 9 months old. However, she is also positive for Hepatitis B. My assumption is that you are only looking for an HIV positive child, which is FINE. But I wanted to run this by you before posting her on the waiting child list. Please let me know at your earliest convenience regarding this child.

Regarding the timeline, unfortunately we just do not know when our orphanages will be seeing another HIV positive child within your age range. Please do know I am constantly emailing our staff to keep an eye out, which is why we just received the information about the above child

Feel free to call me with any questions or let me know by email.

In Him,

Nicole Wiegold

Well OFF MY CHAIR I fell!!!! Of COURSE we called her right back...and it went to voice mail. So we then jumped on the computer to do some Hep B research. It was hysterical! Both Matt & I are still in our pajamas, on 2 different computers seeing who can find out what the fastest. It doesn't matter who won - but I found the best site first - but not that it matters ;) It's a great site www.hepb.org there was even a phone number to call if you had questions - and in 30 seconds we were talking to a human being!!! She told us that it won't lower her quality of life, it's not an issue during early childhood, but if it goes chronic (happens in 90% of pediatric hep B cases) it'll start acting up in her late teens/early twenties. It's spread the same was as HIV - but everyone in America is now vaccinated against it. There is medication that can slow down & drastically reduce any damage the virus does to the liver. But while we were on the phone with her....

NICOLE CALLED!!!!! We told her we were very interested in seeing Z* (her ET name) profile. Nicole said she'd email it right to us. So we got off the phone with her & started praying praying praying....well trying to pray as we kept hitting the "check mail" button!!!! It was a long 3 minutes before her BEAUTIFUL picture & profile got to us :) We can't share her picture until we pass court & she's ours!! But I can tell you she's GORGEOUS!!! Chubby little legs, big cheeks, high forehead, milk chocolate BEAUTIFUL skin, a good amount of curly black hair....and the saddest expression ever :( She NEEDS a family to love her up GOOD!!!!

I pulled the boys out of class to show them her picture. Caleb wouldn't give it back to me. He wanted to "hold" Ellie! It was so cute!!!

We met with our family doctor that afternoon & got his opinion -which was go for it!!!

More prayer, more research, more prayer, Ben going to the ER & almost getting his appendix removed the next day (!!!!) turns out it was a virus that surrounds your appendix & makes it hurt! who knew! Matt said it was so hard watching Ben tear up as they gave him an IV. It made him think how hard it's going to be to watch Ellie get all her blood work done - every 3 months :( but we realized that with us or without us this is the life she'll live. The question is - are we wanting to be the ones that step up to the plate? Needless to say - we gave a RESOUNDING YES!!!!

I spent $200 (don't tell Matt) on baby clothes at Old Navy today - and YES, they're all pink. Well, 2 are white with pink polka dots :) AND I made the lady at Ross cry! I was returning a bunch of babies clothes that were going to be too small (our little chub is already 19 lbs!!!). I bought them a few weeks ago to help ease the wait ;) I was telling her how we were adopting & had gotten our referral on Tuesday - and she was way bigger than I thought she'd be! She told me that 3 of her dear friends have kids from ET and then said one of their names. I told her I didn't recognize that name, as we're still pretty new to the adoption community - but I'd been talking with a woman named Signe.....well, what do you know! That's one of her dear friends!!! Signe also adopted an HIV+ child. I told the "Ross Lady" (I never got her name) that I'd really appreciated Signe's advice b/c we were adopting HIV+ as well. She started full on crying right on the spot! Which quickly sent me over the edge as well!!! So the 2 of us stood there while she tried to see enough to finish up the return :) She begged me to bring her shopping at Ross (DUH!) as soon as I could so she could meet her!!!

So needless to say, I'm walking on sunshine!!!! I feel like we've been trying to get pregnant for a year & we've finally "popped positive"!!! I want to shout it from the mountain tops!!! It worked!!! We're gonna have a baby!!!! So hopefully it's not a 9 month gestation! ha! I promised Matt - no freak outs!!! I told him the only thing that helps me not to freak out is PRAYER....but he can't wait until I'm freaking out to suggest it! Then it's too late. So he promised to help me stop lots & pray. pray. pray.

I'm giving up on mamby pamby prayers....I'm going to for the big guns now - no holding back, specifics!!!

Here's my prayer list:
1. Our court date. We need a quick one - like in the next 4 weeks. The courts have been closed for the last 6 weeks b/c of the rainy season. They have a lot of catching up to do. Even if we weren't coming off a 6 week closure we'd be looking at 4 weeks away at least. So a court date within 4 weeks would be a MIRACLE! and we need to PASS court - 40% of people don't pass the first time & have to wait (sometime another month) before their next court date.
2. The TB sputum test. It takes 8 weeks & we can't take her home until it's done & she's negative!!! If she tests positive for TB she'll have to stay in ET for 6 months for treatment....that would be BAD!
3. Reasonable plane tickets. While the thought of spending $6000 on 4 plane tickets doesn't delight me....spending $10,000 would REALLY be bad!
4. Her hep B goes away!!! I know our God is a God of 0% - so a 10% chance of getting cured won't daunt him!
5. Travel. LOTS of planets are going to have to line up. Childcare for the 3 staying, animal care/house sitter, etc. I don't even know what to ask for concerning this....well I do - I'd LOVE to be getting back before Christmas! Which would mean we'd need to travel in 9 weeks.....God could do it! I know it!!! How awesome would it be to spend Christmas all together?!?!?!?
6. And MOST importantly. That Ellie have an amazingly quick & easy transition into our family! It's so hard to think that she has NO IDEA who we are & how much we already LOVE HER!!! But God can tell her, He can whisper it into her heart :)

I'm sure the list will continue to grow & grow!!! Just like our sweet little angel :) oh I can't even WAIT to give her a giant squeeze & jump up and down!!!!

YEAH GOD!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

waiting....

Why is waiting so hard??? I guess it's not hard to wait if you don't want what's coming...like a trip to the dentist....and I know waiting doesn't kill you! I think of all the times I've waited thinking the day would never come - high school graduation, college graduation, our wedding day, the birth of the boys, each move, each fantastic vacation.....maybe this wait is so much harder b/c it doesn't have a date or even a month attached to it!?!?! It's just plain and simple - wait.

Please join me in praying that God will give me grace during this waiting period. I'm a disaster....I feel like my heart is on the other side of the world...and we don't even know who she is!!!! I find that so incredibly amazing. I love her so much!!! I feel like I'm 9 months pregnant - but maybe I'm only 8 or 7....see what I mean??? It's CRAZY!!! At least with a pregnancy you knew when your absolute DONE date was - of course you hoped it was earlier -but at least there was a definite done date!!!

Every day I wrestle with keeping my head above the water....being loving, patient, nurturing to my family, friends, customers....when all I really want to do is sit and dream about Ellie. It's funny to think that even a year ago we had no idea the path our life would take. And now I can't even envision our life not right here....well...unless we were actually in ET - I can envision THAT!!!

So to pass the time we've decided to get our vaccinations done - tomorrow. We haven't told all the boys that they'll need Hep A :( Apparently it's far too common for your little one to bring it home with her & infect the whole family - even the ones who don't travel. The rest of us (Matt, myself & Jack) will be getting Hep A, Hep B, Typhoid, & making sure our Tetnus is up to date. So maybe even more than praying for me not to go crazy waiting - pray for my little ones as they get poked for sissy tomorrow!

HIV+ testimonial

***This is my favorite testimonial from the site www.positivelyadopted.com***

I'm an "over-protective" mom. (If you look up 'over protective' in the dictionary, you'll see me.) I'm the mom who considers bike helmets non-negotiable and doesn't allow the kids to lick the cake batter bowl because they could get salmonella poisoning from the eggs. Our house rule is no driver's liscense until the kids are 18, I spray door knobs with Lysol, and (no joke) I cut grapes in quarters until my kids are in kindergarten. (Hey! Don't laugh! Studies show that grapes are the perfect size and shape to get lodged in little throats, and they are 1 of the top 5 most frequently choked on foods!) Yes, I'm over protective and, to be honest, I'm PROUD of it. My children were entrusted to my care and they are my treasures. I would die for them. I don't believe in wishy washy, mamby pamby, half hearted parenting. My kids are my life and I would do anything to protect them. Anything.

Fast forward to our story. I was surfing the net one day for other blogs of adoptive moms. I ran into a couple of blogs by some ladies named Carolyn and Erin. As I read about their families, I realized that they had not just 'adopted', like our family... they had adopted kids with HIV. *Full stop.* All I could think was

"WOW. Isn't it great that these families have the courage to do that. But I never could."

I was intrigued, though, so I poked around and was truly surprised and amazed to find a bunch of other families that had also done this "unthinkable" thing. Why weren't they TERRIFIED for the safety of their other children? Were they careless parents? Why were they okay with something so RADICAL and RISKY!? We had 4 kids in our home already and the thought of putting them in danger was 100% unacceptable. No way. No how.

But... I'm curious by nature and I'm a researcher at heart...so I started researching. I read everything I could get my hands on about HIV/AIDS and the adoption of children with the disease. And a funny thing happened... the MORE I read, the LESS I feared.

My husband started researching with me. Expert after expert, scientific study after scientific study... they all confirmed over and over again that HIV is spread through SEX and DRUG NEEDLES, not bizarre accidents or causal contact Period. (And if we can't believe experts like Dr. Joel Gallant of John Hopkins Center for Global Health, then who the heck CAN we believe!?)

Is there a teeny tiny, itty bitty, almost imperceivably small risk that an accident could happen and someone in our family could get infected from a blood spill? Well, yes. But there is NOTHING that we do every day that does NOT involve a risk THAT TINY. Eating could involve choking. Going outside could involve lightening strikes or West Nile virus or Swine Flu or terrorist attack. Swimming could involve drowning. Riding in the car or on an airplane could involve a crash. The list in endless.

NOTHING IS WITHOUT RISK IN LIFE. (click here to see what I mean)

Every day I put my kids in the car KNOWING that the risk of death from riding in a vehicle is 1 in 84. (According to the National Safety Council.) Even for HEALTHCARE WORKERS (who deal daily with blood spills and needles!) the risk of contracting HIV from one of their patients in a NON-sexual, NON-drug use way is 1 in 1000. Among NON-healthcare workers, causal household transmission JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN! (click for proof)

This was starting to sound much less "bizarre" and a whole lot more DOABLE!

Next stop - our 3 local doctors (our pediatrician and the 2 doctors of mine and my husband’s).

Our pediatrician said it was "Great that you are doing this! How exciting!" and wanted to make sure we were aware of the financial aspect and that we could find a good pediatric infectious disease specialist. She discussed how she worked with other HIV+ kids and, thus, had experience in this area. As she talked for several minutes about these things she ever-so-casually slipped in

"...and of course the child would present no danger to your family..."

and then continued on to other matters. I was so pleased with yet another resounding confirmation that HIV is nothing to be scared of.

Then I met with my main doctor and asked, "Do you have any thoughts about the safety of my other kids living with an HIV+ child?" to which she leaned back in her chair and quickly answered,

"Oh no, I wouldn't BAT AN EYE at that!!"

(Those were her exact words. When she left the room for a minute to get some paperwork, I grabbed the pen in my purse and WROTE IT DOWN!) She then shared that a relative of hers is HIV positive and has done wonderfully on the ARVs for over 16 years now. She did warn us, however, that the STIGMA might be the only real challenge in regards to raising an HIV positive child. (making that about the zillionth time I had heard that warning)

My husband’s doctor was also very positive and encouraging and had no pressing worries for our other children whatsoever.

SO...Of course initially we had all those thoughts, What about our other kids? Would they be safe? What about accidents?” But, for us, it came down to a CHOICE between LOGIC or FEAR.

If we’re going to go with FEAR than we had to at least be consistent. If being around an HIV+ child was too much of a risk, then we should stop using cars, going outside when it’s raining, visiting amusement parks, going swimming, jumping on trampolines, horseback riding, and every other widely accepted but FAR more statistically ‘dangerous’ activity.

Just because the letters 'H' 'I' 'V' strike fear in our hearts doesn’t mean that this fear is LOGICAL or that we have to RESPOND irrationally to it. My 4 year old is afraid of ANTS, but that doesn't mean his fear is LOGICAL. In the end, we decided to choose Logic and tell Fear to take a hike.(because, contrary to hanging out with HIV+ people, hiking IS dangerous!)

So, after all the reasearch and consultations with medical professaionals, the fear faded away and in its place came hope and potential for the future. Now we are the proud waiting parents of a beautiful little 5 1/2 year old HIV+ girl from Ethiopia who we can't wait to hug and kiss and welcome into our family forever.

Thus, now I am an overprotective mom to 5 kids instead of 4. And still proud of it. :-)

-Daniel & Chantelle

3 months & some art!

We thought it would be fun to put her name on her wall - so we got creative! I haven't had a chance to photograph the last E - it will be Matt & I :)

AND today marks our 3rd month of waiting....something I'm getting worse at - not better :( I felt like God reminded me today of all the times He waits for me - sigh.....AND that He knows her situation - completely - she is never out of His sight, never out of His hands.....while this mama longs for the day I can be God's eyes & hands to our little Ellie - I rest in the knowledge that His plan is perfect, His timing is perfect, His ways are perfect......now if I could just actually ACT that way... I'd be much more pleasant to be around!!!

We celebrated another month down with a sprinkles cake!!!

Lots of good news to report!!

What a week it's been! Last weekend was the fair!!! I finally feel like I'm coming back to normal....well for me anyway!! ha!

Here's Ben getting filled up with lentils in the lentil pit play area - they did this to each other no less than 5 times each....it was quite funny!

The fair was amazing! The boys did so well. Running around showing pigs, goats, Jack was even able to get in and show his chicken....I was busy with Gabe at the goat show -so I don't know how they do that either!

Here's Gabe & Frank in the goat costume contest. The theme for the fair this year was "A Fair-y Tail".....so to go along with that Gabe was Prince Charming and Frank was Cinderella!

And in case you haven't seen "everything" we thought we'd share with you video of the "goat obstacle course"....I'm not sure who's getting the biggest workout - but I think it's my friend Caylene!

Anyway - Jack did VERY well with his Pig. On Saturday they auction the pigs off. To make a long story short - Jack needed to get $3/lb to fund the rest of his ticket to ET....and of course the swine flu has sent pork prices WAY down (b/c you know you can get swine flu from eating pig...duh! who would believe that - but apparently people do). Needless to say I was praying nonstop & when Jack's pig sold for $3/lb I started bawling....it was a bit embarassing - but God is SOOOO GOOOD!!! $3/lb on a 290 pig is pretty good. Thanks so much to "The Courtyard" for that VERY generous donation! We love you guys!!! Ben also got $3/lb for his pig!!! What a day!!!

Here's Jack showing his pig at the auction.

As if the stress of the fair wasn't enough - I'm jumping every time the phone rings...which is a LOT around our house. Thank goodness for caller ID or I'd be an absolute wreck. I keep imagining where we'll be when we get "the call"....with my luck probably in the shower, late for something important - that will just have to wait!!! I can't even imagine what it will be like to see her sweet face for the first time....wow! I start tearing up just thinking about it. Matt of course is all "manly" about all this stuff - but just you wait! He'll by crying twice as hard as me! I'll have pictures to prove it - I promise ;)

And even MORE GOOD NEWS!! Our homestudy update is complete! We're approved to adopt a special needs child - yeah!!!

Tissue warning!

Matt makes fun of my "blog stalking"....I call it research & encouragement time :) It's AMAZING what's out there...and how encouraged I feel after I read their stories! My new favorite blogger is a mom with 11 kids - 3 biological & the rest adopted - 3 of which are from Ethiopia.

Here's what she wrote awhile back....warning - it's a 3 hankie read!!

Kids and Moms (and Dads)

I have been thinking a lot about kids lately... kids who don't have moms (and dads)... kids waiting for moms, and what life is like for kids who do not have parents. I have been thinking about the transformation that occurs when a child realizes he has a mom, a dad, a family...security, love and somewhere to belong.

With some of our kids, that "realization" that they have a Mom and a family, that they have someone to belong to, someone to watch over them, someone to care for them and someone to love them, has been gradual. With some of our kids, there has been this "a ha!" moment, where you could just see that they "got it".

There was baby Maggie... almost four months old... laying on the bed in our hotel in Vietnam on our first full day together (I had been visiting her for days at the hospital before this point). Before her hospitalization she had lived in a government orphanage where the babies had their names written on their legs in black magic marker so they could be told apart, and got very very little personal attention. She didn't cry when she was hungry or when she wanted something. She was quiet and tiny, but I could tell she loved being held and loved the attention I was giving her.

I walked away from the bed where she was laying to get a bottle for her, and she made this teeny tiny pitiful (feeble attempt at a) cry, and I rushed over and picked her up and offered her the bottle. She got this look of amazement on her face with a little smile that seemed to say, "Holy cow! You mean that crying thing WORKS with you??" and after that she did not want anyone but me and always wanted me close. She got it. I was there for her. I was her mom.

With Mercy, she was nine years old. She had had a mom before, who did not value or respect her role as a mom. Mercy knew neglect and abuse and loss. Despite that, she came to us with an open heart and a surprising amount of trust. At one point during our first week, Des needed her hair washed (and Mercy had been the one to care for Des up until that point, even though she was only three years older). Mercy told Des to go into the bathroom so she could wash her hair, and I gently told Mercy that I could wash Des's hair, and reminded her that that was the kind of thing a Mom should do. The social worker had warned us that "letting go" of being the caregiver of Des might be hard for Mercy and we might have some power struggles over it... but Mercy looked at me and looked at Des and looked back at me and said, "You wash all the other little kids... You would wash Des's hair too?" and I said, "Yes". And she said, "And then what would I do?" and I said, "Well, you could go play." And she looked at Des again and then back at me, and then she got this huge smile on her face, and you could almost SEE her letting go of the responsibility of caring for her little sister. She ran over and gave me a hug, and then took off to play. She got it. I was there for her and for her sister. I was their mom.

With Solomon, that moment came when we left AHOPE for the second time together. We had spent two days together, and then we had gone back to AHOPE to visit. As we walked through the gate and the kids called out his name and came running to say hi to him, he sat in my arms with huge, silent tears running down his cheeks. He would not make eye contact with anyone (including me, the kids and the nannies) and just stared ahead with this heartbreaking acceptance of the fact that he thought he was being left. Again. It hurt me so much that he had come to accept this from life... that nice people came and went, but he did not truly belong to any of them. I couldn't imagine how his little heart felt and how he had endured all that he had already. I comforted him and held him close and told him over and over again in his ear that I would never, never, never leave him.

He started to relax a little the longer we were there and I stayed with him, but he was not his usual self. And then it happened. I put him in the sling, we waved good-bye, went back out through the gate and headed back up the road towards the hotel for some lunch. He got this HUGE grin on his face, and was bouncing up and down in the sling laughing, and then grabbing my face and kissing it over and over as we walked. He was so happy and joyful. He got it. He was not going to be left again. I was HIS. He was mine. I was his Mom.

Since then I have watched him blossom with love. I have watched him learn how to expect and look forward to being held often, comforted when he cries, rocked to sleep, having his needs met, getting individual attention and being smothered in hugs and kisses often. As I crawled into bed last night, a few hours after I had put him down to sleep, his little body turned towards me, and without waking up, he put his arm on me, snuggled in close and let out a content sigh.

All kids deserve that knowledge, that peace and that comfort. All kids deserve to know that they are loved and that they belong to someone.

I believe with all my heart that our Heavenly Father did not send us down here to go at life alone, to worry about ourselves and to focus our lives on material and trivial things. I believe with all my heart that we are meant to live in families... mothers, fathers and children together, focusing our lives on loving, enjoying and serving each other.

We have several reasons to believe that Solomon most likely spent very little (if any) time with his first mother. And yet even after multiple changes in caregivers and "homes", multiple losses and lots of suffering without a mom to comfort him, he KNEW what a Mom was for from our very first days together. His heart and soul reached out to mine and grabbed on firmly. He knew that he wanted a mom. He knew that hugs, kisses and rock-a-byes were something he wanted, deserved and needed. The other kids we met in Ethiopia knew it too. They knew that they belonged with parents. They knew that something big was missing from their lives.

My heart rejoices for my kids and others that have had their lives changed so drastically...who were once alone, and now live with love, security and family. Watching Solomon over the past few weeks has reminded me of what an incredible miracle adoption is.

And at the same time, my heart aches for the so very many kids who are living life alone right now. . Even the very best orphanage is no comparison to a home and family. It is wrong that these kids must wait and yearn for a family. They deserve, as all children do, the peace and security that comes with the knowledge of knowing that they belong to someone, that they are being cared for and that they are loved.

This is why I support adoption...because I have seen the sadness in the eyes of the children who wait for moms, I have seen the amazing transformation in children once they have been "claimed" and loved, and because I believe, with all my heart, that that love and belonging is what our lives on this Earth are supposed to be about.

Perfect Match

I had spoken in church some months back about how we had 4 gorgeous, healthy, wonderful boys & how I felt guilty asking for 1 more.....

Well, Steve approached me after church today. He told me that he really felt God wanted him to tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty. But that God had made a promise to the first parents of our little angel. He promised them that He would take care of her. We are the fulfillment of that promise. We are the answer to a mothers prayer....to a fathers desperate plea....I was so overwhelmed....that God could use us in such a mighty way. I was so humbled. I was so at peace - in fact I've never felt more at peace in my life!!!

Of course I stood there with alligator tears running off my chin....and I am praying so hard that her first parents have as much peace giving her up as we have about receiving her. I can't even imagine....

So we're a perfect match - she needed a family to love her & we needed a little girl to love....I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU BABY!!! I am so sorry you have to go through so much - but God has PROMISED He'll take care of you!!!

First Day of School!!!

Well I'm a bit teary eyed as I type this....all 4 of them excitedly skipped to the bus at 7:45 this morning!!! Caleb doesn't technically start pre-school until next week - but their bus driver is so awesome she let him ride the bus in this morning. Matt had to go to Spokane this morning anyway, so he followed the bus in, took Caleb to meet his teacher & see his classroom & then is headed to Spokane.

They all picked out their clothes last night - even socks & shoes! I'm so proud of them. They're all growing up to be such amazing people. Jackson is soooo excited to come to ET with us. This whole experience has really grown him. He's becoming much more sensitive to the needs of others. Ben is such a sweetie. He still loves his snuggle time & is so much fun to be around!! Gabriel loves to be helpful. He & Ben are still inseparable. He's mostly out of the costume phase :( but every now & then I catch him dressed up as something! Caleb is so independent....and yet still so much of a pre-schooler. He wants to be grown up - but still needs a nap ;) He adores getting to "go" and is really fun to take on errands....he knows all the places that give out candy - like the bank!!

Here they are on the porch right before the bus came this morning.

BIG NEWS!!!!

Bear with me here....this is gonna be a looooong one!!! But for posterity sake -and to let you all in on our thought process - here goes!!!

So let me tell you what's going on....and then tell you why!

We're opening up our request to include a child with HIV.

There have been a few other times where I felt God spoke audibly to me....Friday night, August 21, 2009 was one of them. I was doing my daily " blog stalking" (I have all these blogs I follow of other families, mostly with our agency, that are adopting or have adopted from ET) I managed to trip on to a new one that led me over to a website called www.positivelyadopted.com I HIGHLY encourage you to go there after reading this post!!! So I spent 2 hours reading, watching, crying, arguing with God, etc. My biggest fears were unfounded!!! It's virtually impossible to contract HIV from just living with someone with HIV. In fact it's more dangerous to ride in your car, jump on a trampoline, be a cheerleader, or go hiking, than to live with someone with HIV. So if we were going to let fear rule us we'd have to give up those activities too. My other concern was that we wouldn't have the "time" to deal with the medical side of things. Well medicine every morning & night isn't too bad - and a dr visit every 3 months is doable! So honestly, what we're dealing with is the stigma of being HIV+.....and God convicted me on that one too (imagine!). He asked me if I cared more about what other people thought - or about what HE thought....yikes!!! bulls-eye!!!

So, just to appease HIM, I jumped over to the waiting children site on AWAA's website. Of course, there was the most beautiful little 1 year old girl you've EVER seen - who was HIV+. Her big eyes just jumped out of her face - gorgeous, innocent, beautiful, a little child of God....so with more tears and less arguing I tried to go to bed. To make matters worse, or better depending on how you look at it (!), Matt was in Astoria for his reserve drill weekend.

The verse that I had claimed for us for this adoption kept running through my head.
Isaiah 45:2-3
I will go before you & level mountains
I will break down gates of bronze & cut through bars of iron
I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places -
So that you may know that I am the LORD.

I feel like God audibly spoke to me & said - Jill, that verse isn't for you, it's for Ellie. I will go before her & level mountains. The gates of bronze & bars of iron are you and Matt - you're the first piece that has to give. She will be BLESSED so that others will know that I AM THE LORD!!! of course, more crying, no arguing at this point - yes Lord....

So at 5:39 in the morning (and if you know me at all, you know I don't open my eyes before 8am unless it's SERIOUS) God woke me up again. This time He told me that Jeremiah 29:11 (the verse we'd claimed for Ellie) - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future - was not Ellie's verse - but OUR verse! His plans are to prosper us & not to harm us - to give us hope & a future!!! Our ENTIRE family! Ellie included!!!

I popped out of bed....remember my poor husband knew none of this! At 6am I called him. He kept hanging up on me b/c he thought it was the alarm. But not to be discouraged I kept calling back! Finally he answered - I said - I need you to close your eyes & give me your hands (which is what he did to me when he told me about Staten Island!) and I started praying. That God would guide us, direct us, help us to be open to His will. And then I told him everything that God had told me. He didn't have internet at the hotel so I had to wait for him to get to work so he could look at the positively adopted website & see her adorable picture. I then proceeded to call him every hour to see if he'd made a decision...poor man! Our last phone call at 2pm went something like this - J: so have you thought any more about it? M: Let's bring her home!! and then the jolly laughter of a man at peace followed by the most amazing sigh and - I'm so glad I married you, there's never a dull moment! Isn't my guy AMAZING????? I had told him that we BOTH need to be completely on board with this - it can't just be me wanting it enough for both of us.

So I called AWAA at 6am this morning (it was 9am their time!). It took them 2 and 1/2 hours to get back to me! Can you imagine??? Anyway - It seems the little angel on the website is already being looked at by another family - yeah! But that now that she knows we're open to an HIV baby that they'll be actively looking for one. She told me we needed to fill out the waiting child application on line & then check with our social worker to see what we needed to do to amend our homestudy to approve us for a child with HIV. She told me she'd give us a call as soon as she knew something. So 5 minutes later the phone rings! I sprint to the office - and thank goodness we have caller id or I'd have freaked out on the phone, I'm sure. But it was one of my jewelers from California!!!

So to make a long story longer :) God's timing is so perfect. We needed to see the face of HIV....on an adorable 1 year old angel to push us over the edge to say yes. Had AWAA put under her picture "file under review" like they do all the others that are under review....I don't know what would've happened.....her name means "peace". That is what God has given us - absolute peace!!! I pray that she finds an amazing family - maybe one day we'll get to meet her - how cool would that be??? But she will always be a piece of this puzzle for me :)

Well this makes the timeline TOTALLY different!!! We are #1 in line for an infant with HIV. We could receive our referral any day!!!!! I can't wait to hear "Hi, this is Nicole Wiegold, I have a referral for you!" What a day of rejoicing that will be!!!!!! It could be tomorrow!!!?!?!?!? Then we'll have to wait for a court date. The courts are closed b/c of the rainy season until the end of September. Hopefully we'll get an October court date & be able to travel in NOVEMBER!!!! Can you believe it??? What a God we serve!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!! What a year it's been!!!

In 2001 God told me He had amazing plans for my life. He told me to keep on keeping on with Premier and to be patient b/c if He told me now what my future held I'd run the other way b/c I wasn't ready to hear it. The amazing part of it all was that I was good with that answer! Impatient old me (younger me at the time) was ok with WAIT. God used that time to turn Premier into something phenomenal! How many people that have the time to pursue something like this have the funding to do it? and how many people that have the funding have the time? We are so uniquely, specifically suited for this it's not even funny.....it's divine...it can only be God.

He will go before you and level mountains.....I can't WAIT to see what He has in store for us next!!!!

One more!

PLEASE click on this link & read Katie's lastest post!!!! She is 20 years old & MOVING MOUNTAINS in Uganda....I am sooooo humbled!!!

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/08/it-is-my-16th-birthday-and-i-am-eating.html

WOW!!!

Look what I found during my daily blog stalking!!!

This is from a family in Austin, TX.

Somewhere in the late 80’s…God captures my heart for adoption

Somewhere in 2007…God captures Brent’s heart…

On the day Brent says he is certain we are to adopt, I start panicking and begin to second-guess…mainly, because we have no money. If you know anything about International Adoption – it is expensive. So, on the eve of Brent saying – yes…I go to bed begging God to affirm our decision. For “doubt” and its cousin “fear” begin having a hay day within my soul. (Brent knew not the depth of my struggle). As the next day progressed, I get a call late afternoon. Brent begins to share how a friend, whom we have not heard from nor seen in over 9 months, gave us a Christmas card with $2000 in it. While Jon did not know anything about our desire to adopt, God had moved his family to give us a huge gift to encourage and bless un in this new season we found ourselves in (new church plant, new neighborhood, schools, friends, new paycheck, etc.). Of course, I balled and confessed my doubt – God had affirmed.

I share this because God touches many with the desire to adopt and when they find out the costs they don’t move forward. I beg you not to let the $$$$ ever detour you from adoption – we are a living testimony that He provides. This is one area I could go on and on about…

Please please please don't let your decision to adopt/not adopt be about the MONEY!!! God is the ULTIMATE banker!!! AMEN and AMEN!!!

Just sittin' tight....

So I just got off the phone with our family coordinator at AWAA (our agency). Nicole said that there are a lot of families on the waiting list that aren't on the yahoogroup :( She told us we'll receive an "on deck" email when we're 1-3 months out from receiving a referral......She said we should plan on a 9-11 month wait.

All that to say, I KNOW God is in control! I KNOW His timing is perfect! and that gives me PEACE!!! I can't imagine going to through this without the absolute knowledge that it's all in HIS control!!!

WHEW!!!

So the good news is we'll have at least 7 months to save save save!!! Only 11k to go!!! woo hooo!!!

Yard Sale

We had a BLAST at our yard sale on Saturday - we even made almost $500!!! WOO HOOOO!!!

oops!!

So I meant to write a bit more!!!

Here's what the unofficial list looks like....

Jarvie 0-18 mo
Ring 0-12 mo
Bowman 0-18 mo
Kern 0-12 mo
Zander 0-12 mo
Didonato 0-18 mo
Jamieson 0-12
ROSS 0-24 mo

That's RIGHT - there's no one in front of us with 18-24 months!!!!! WOOO HOOOOO!!!

Just breathe.....

We are unofficially #8 on the girl list!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

Lots of July Referrals!

It's so exciting!!! I think there have been 6 or 7 referrals for July!!!

We're unofficially #21 on the list. But #12 for a girl and #2 for a girl 18-24 months!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! Of course only God knows when we'll actually get her - and His timing will be PERFECT! He knows whats on our list of things to do both for now & for later :) and whether we get her sooner or later - it'll be GREAT!!!!

WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!?!?!?&*$@^#!(!@!!!!!

My BESTEST friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD (next to Matt of course) is going to come to ET WITH us!!!! I can't even believe it!!!! God continues to ROCK MY WORLD!!! We asked my sister (a.k.a. bestest friend in the whole wide world) 3 days ago if she would come to ET with us.......she fell over dead & then told me that she's been thinking how fantastic it would be to go with us - but couldn't think of how to wrangle herself an invite!?!?!!!? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????? I'm to the point where I'll believe ANYTHING!! She never breathed a word of it to me.....how can you say there is no God???? He laid it on our hearts to ask her!!! Of course the story gets better - her family said YES!!! You HAVE to go!!! Even when she told her husband how expensive the plane ticket was going to be....he paused just a half a second & said - if you're supposed to go we'll find the money!!! So needless to say we're going to do the worlds LARGEST jewelry fundraiser in November & pray prAY PRAY that we'll have a big enough show to buy her ticket!!! oh oh - AND use the free jewelry to pick out gifts for the nannies at the orphanage!?!?!?! I'm DYING here!!! God continuously overwhelms me!!!!!

So here's a GIGANTIC thank you to my FABULOUS sister....I love you so much!! I can't imagine my life without you in it! Thanks for putting up with all my craziness! all my kids! all my hairbrained ideas! my making fun of your undies! my non-horsie-ness and inability to buck a bale of hay!! You've loved me in it all & through it all!!! I ADORE YOU!!!!! I can't believe God chose YOU to be my sister - I'm so blessed!!! I can't wait for Ellie to meet the BEST AUNT EVER!!! and I'm secretly praying that God will bring an amazing sister someday into Ellie's life too ;)

I thought a few photos would be appropriate!!!

Post sailing- it was a VERY windy day!

Before I knew we'd live here too! At the top of the grade above Lewiston/Clarkston.

In mom & dad's front yard - saying good-bye :( thus the sad teary eyes!Eating the best pizza EVER in Brooklyn!!She loves me so much she went to my 10 year high school reunion when Matt couldn't make it! At the Jack & Gabe's birthday costume party!

On the ferry after seeing ALL the sights in NYC!Skiing (well eating lunch actually) on Mt Baker!

It was sooo much fun to share the Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island with you :)At the Spokane airport welcoming Justin back from overseas!!!